Leaving Toronto... again

First of all my family and I would like to thank everyone who has shown their concern for us over the past month, in particular the past few days. We can't express how much appreciation we have for everyone who has respected our wishes and privacy during this time of need.

This entire week has been too emotional for words and during this period time itself has been something which I feel cannot be calculated accurately. My family and I have probably only slept for a couple of hours each night at best.

I can be blatantly honest by saying that this trip home has brought me nothing but pain, agony, and sorrow. Thoughts of being home start out in content nostalgia but easily fade into sadness as I quickly remember the terms of my visit. Not fully understanding or being able to control a situation has always bothered me as an individual. Being powerless to act or to react is undoubtedly one of the worst feelings in the world.

I cannot help but feel cowardly since my stay has only been a mere four days. To be honest I simply cannot be here and need to try and find comfort in the routine I've created for myself over the past seven months or so. With each sparing moment of the day I can only do what I can to distract myself as best as possible. I will not allow myself to find comfort in pain.

I did speak with a very close old friend however, and she was entirely supportive of my decisions. She believes my actions are the methods of coping I have selected best suited for me. I can only hope she is right. Thank you once more for providing me with your console. And maybe one day you can forgive me for not being as good as a friend to you, that you have been for me.